Opportunity and Reason for Hope

When I heard the news on March 13th that Catholic churches around Chicago would not be holding Mass for the masses for the foreseeable future, I'm sure I was one of many who thought that we'd be back in the pews by Easter. Online Mass didn't seem like such a bad idea, and it certainly was more convenient (and less of a time commitment on Sundays). On the flip side, it turned out to have a lot more opportunities for distraction, as I could gaze around my apartment or out the window or even switch tabs on my computer. And the whole not receiving Jesus thing... I found myself asking, was this even attending Mass?

Don't get me wrong - we are blessed to be living at a time when technology allows for recording/broadcasting and live-streaming services. Can you imagine what we would have done 30 years ago? Sure, EWTN has been showing Sunday Masses on TV for many years, but it certainly feels more intimate and meaningful when you still have a sense of your own parish or priest celebrating on the screen. So, yes, in a sense I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to log into Facebook each Sunday and watch Faith Hub, or the ACE Mass, or my own parish Mass.

But still...

Lost.
Scared. Terrified.
Confused.

These feelings have definitely been present in both my own spiritual life as well as my role as a Catholic school leader. Without the true ritual of the Mass, I found myself making excuses for spending less time with God in prayer and centering my work less on God and more on what our human efforts could produce. And I know our human efforts are worth something, but they're not everything and we certainly can't do anything without God's help and presence.

Our world is a scary place with COVID, racism, and the upcoming election, to name a few. Thinking about going back to school in August and everything that has to be in place before then is scary too.

But now there's increasing opportunity to go to Mass again. And that honestly gives me so much hope. It's not to say that automatically this washes away all fears and worries - that would be impossible - but it makes me remember that we are a community of faith that is gathered together, physically when able but also in spirit.

Yet, there is realization that a lot of parishes lack the volunteers they need to reopen their doors, maybe because their population is mostly elderly or they are small in number. So, if you're reading this and you are able/willing (within your comfort zone), I encourage you to reach out to your parish staff or pastor and see where the greatest need is so that people can start coming back together to worship, whether that be greeters, Eucharistic ministers, lectors, sanitizers, sacristans, or other positions.

Let us work together so that our worldwide Church comes back strong and is a beacon of hope for all who are struggling in our present moment and world.

"Now We Know"

"Now We Know"
Poem of the Day - 4/18/20
Audio Version of Today's Poem

We knew it was coming
But hearing the announcement on the news
Didn't make it any easier

Finishing the school year remotely?
Postponing communion and graduation?
Not what we expected
Definitely not what we hoped for

But now we know
And now we need a plan
To keep our teachers sane
To keep our kids engaged
To bring this year to a proper close
First step -
Breathe

"Judas" (Fitting for Spy Wednesday)

"Judas"
Poem of the Day - 4/8/20
Audio Version of Today's Poem

Judas -
A most despised name in our faith
For he gave Jesus over to be killed
Why did he do it?

For money?
30 pieces of silver doesn't seem equal
To the life of a dear friend and teacher

Out of desire for the kingdom?
Jesus would surely resist
And be the king the Jews were promised
Showing true power

Did he have free will?
Or, if Judas hadn't betrayed him,
Would it have been someone else?

It's easy to sit in judgment
Of Judas
Of anyone
But, when it comes down to it
How do we know what we would have done?

Holy Week, An Acrostic (4/6/20)

"Holy Week, An Acrostic"
Poem of the Day - 4/6/20
Audio Version of Today's Poem

He died to save us from sin
Our eyes are fixed on the cross
Lent comes slowly to an end
Yes, Lord, we trust in You

Who can love us more than you?
Everything I believe is right here, right now
Eternal life is your promise to the world
Keep us safe, O Lord

Grace in a time of COVID-19

Aside from seeing my roommate (who is leaving to go to her parents' place for a few days), I have not been in normal contact or conversation with anyone outside of virtual chats, Zoom calls, or FaceTime.

One thing I have done regularly, though, is go outside for either a run or a walk (or two) every day. And on these excursions, without fail to this point, I have encountered a friend - one from ACE, one from my church Sunday night prayer group, and one parent from my previous school. And let me tell you - those short encounters have been true moments of grace from God.

Each interaction was brief.
No hugs were given.
But real conversation happened; we were present in that moment.
And it was wonderful.

In this time of uncertainty and isolation, I find consolation in these moments.
And I find grace in a time of COVID-19.

A little extra time these days...

Why, hello there. It's been awhile. But, you know, with this whole social distancing thing, I'm suddenly finding more time on my hands (while also realizing why I like to keep somewhat to moderately busy during the week)...

How are you?

There's a lot to take in - from the news, from texts from family and friends, from social media. I find it all quite overwhelming, especially as we strive to support our students, families, and teachers in this e-learning experience. It's a big learning curve, I assure you, and I know everyone is adjusting and doing the best they can.

And, can I just say, thank goodness for modern technology?! I just got off a Zoom room call with about 10 of my 7th grade religion students, and it was SO good for the soul to see their faces, hear their voices, and have a conversation (even when they tried to talk over one another). On a side note, I also had a virtual happy hour the other night with my sister and several friends - what a lifesaver!

In reflection this past week, I've come to realize that it's amazing how much I take for granted. And I sincerely hope that once our world has recovered from this pandemic that I make a conscious effort not to do that again. My students & school families, my colleagues, my family (who I now won't be seeing for Easter 😢), my friends (near and far), my prayer groups, my gym, and, perhaps most of all, church - these are people and things I sincerely miss, and I know others are missing their respective people, places, and activities as well.

As this gets worse before it gets better, let's take a moment to pray for and remember the healthcare workers and those who are still reporting to their jobs so that we can work from the comfort of our homes. So many people are making sacrifices and so many people are without any human contact. This is truly a hard time for everyone.

I hope you are healthy and well. Be safe everyone.

2020 - What's the Word?

Over the break, a colleague forwarded me a newsletter with various resources from Jon Gordon, a famous author and motivational speaker. One of his big things for the past several years has been to encourage people to stay away from New Year's Resolutions (which, he claims, 80+% of people break by the end of January) and instead follow a three step process to choose one word.

Now, I'd heard about "One Word" before, most recently on the Abiding Together podcast, and I thought, how sweet but how can that possibly make a difference in someone's life? Though I was doubtful, I ended up buying Jon Gordon's book (which is a quick read - by the indication in the book it takes 49 minutes cover to cover) and also the kid version to see what it was all about.

I followed the process, which included time for silence and prayer, and one word came to me right away. I pushed it aside, as I didn't want to rush into it, even though it felt right, and tried many other words in my head and heart. Still, I kept coming back to my word - trust. I am working on trusting God with various aspects of my life (including my job, relationships, etc.), and I am working on trusting others, including my students, in so much as believing they are doing what they are supposed to be doing at any given time. And, of course, I must always work on trusting myself.

And so, that has become my 2020 word of the year/"one word."

And, do you know what? I had a crazy teaching schedule this week, where I only saw my 7th grade religion class (which is the only class I teach) two times. So, instead of jumping into new content, I created (and borrowed) some activities and models to guide my students through the process of choosing their own "One Word" for 2020. While Tuesday's class was rough (as it was their first day back after break), they (well, at least most of them) fully engaged in the process and took it seriously. Some of their words were confident/confidence, sacrifice, try, effort, adventure, joy, and positivity. I was amazed! This upcoming week I am giving them time to find and/or create visuals they can hang in their rooms or put as iPad backgrounds to remind them of their "One Word" over the course of the year. We'll see what they come up with.

Maybe you want to give "One Word" a try - go ahead; it's simple. Then, you just need to remind yourself of it on a regular basis. (Mine is my phone background.) I hope if you do try it that it works out in guiding you and pushing you to live it out this year.

Yes, 2020 is off and running. There always seems to be plenty to do and plenty of friends to catch up with. Since being back from visiting my family over the holidays, I've spent time with friends in Milwaukee (for NYE and New Years), the Art Institute (thank goodness for membership), local establishments for meals, and folk's condos/apartments just hanging out.

Haven't seen any shows in 2020 yet, but there will be a few rapid fire ones in the coming weeks, which makes me pretty excited. I don't think it's possible (nor should I feel the need) to see more shows in 2020 than 2019. That was one for the books. (I also read a lot of books last year, but that's another story...)

One last thing - as some of you may know, I spent 2019 with the resolve to buy no new clothes (aside from underwear and socks) the whole year...and I made it! I also gave away bags of stuff to St. Vincent de Paul (special shoutout to my sister for carting those away for me). Since the new year, though, I have broken down and bought a few new items; though, I think I am much more prudent now, really thinking if I truly want or need something (e.g. a new pair of jeans) before purchasing. I hope to not buy too many new items this year; otherwise, I don't think I really learned my lesson, did I?

I hope you have a wonderful start to the 2020 year!

Running for (and with) others

Less than one week out from my marathon, I can't help but reflect with gratitude on the people who have helped support me along the way (and those who will be with me on race day). This post is for them...

*Mission OLA - This place and its wonderful people (the religious men and women who serve there as well as those whom they serve through their ministry) are the reason I am running this race and the reason I reached out to family and friends to help me fundraise over $1000. Their presence/ministry in the Humboldt Park neighborhood is a true gift from God, and I am fortunate to be a part of their efforts in a small way on a somewhat regular ongoing basis too.

*My fellow runners - Whether it was a quick text, email, or phone call/conversation to check in and see how the training was going, it meant a lot and it kept me going. It's such a blessing to know that others are cheering along the journey and praying for me and a strong race. Knowing that someone is a long-distance runner forms an automatic bond for me with that person - they just get it. And for that I am grateful.

*My sister - Believe it or not, this is the first marathon that my sister is not running with me. (Well, Disney still counts because we were in the same race - she was just 20 minutes faster so we weren't technically running together.) Therefore, it's going to be different - I'll have to be the one to push myself, especially when I get to the end and always want to wimp out; I'll have to imagine her there telling me to keep going and that I can rest when it's over. (She also got me a goody bag full of important things like chocolate, throwaway gloves, and a portable roller for sore muscles after the race. That was pretty great.)

*My parents - They have always been my biggest cheerleaders. My dad even wrote me a short (inspirational) poem when I sent him the runner tracking information. :) They've been to several of our marathons (Disney, Chicago, Detroit, & Cincinnati), jumping around at different points of the course to take photos and watch us run by. They won't be at this race, but I know they'll be praying and tracking from afar.

*My race weekend buddies - Ok, so they're running the 5K, but they are still giving up their weekend to come support and cheer me on. They will be subjected to my early morning race day hours (so I can get my coffee in ahead of time), pre-race meal dietary restrictions, and random agitation of crowds/inefficiency at the expo. But it will be great. And we will get to celebrate the rest of the weekend.



Running is something that has always been a part of my family's lifestyle, even if it was just holiday 5Ks (Turkey Trot & Jingle Bell Run) growing up, and it is something that truly became part of my identity in college. Our running group ("Bull Run") was filled with awesome people who helped me go from barely being able to run 3 miles to running a marathon in under 4 hours. I still think of them in my training and racing to this day and try to take their advice to heart.

Even when I thought I'd have to hang up my long-distance running shoes when I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis, my physical therapist and doctor helped me get back on my feet (literally) and build my running stamina back up to what it once was, with my first marathon back at it being a PR by over 5 minutes.

God is so good, and He has blessed me with this opportunity to race next Saturday with the support of my family and friends. If you think of it, please say an extra prayer for me (and for all those running) on Saturday. It's going to be a chilly one, but I hope it will be precipitation- and wind-free! Let's go!!

"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1)

Pretty as a Postcard - Stop 2: Bryce Canyon

Bryce Canyon. Some people absolutely love it; others, eh, not so much. Me, personally? It was breathtaking in ways so different from Zion or any other park/red rock I had ever seen...

When we got there, it was mid-morning, so we claimed our campsite (which we later figured out was supposed to be the RV-only/no tents loop - oops...) and set out to see what we could see. In Bryce you start out above the rock formations (so in that sense, it's more similar to the Grand Canyon than to Zion, where you start off in the valley and have to climb up) as you walk the rim. It's known locally as the amphitheater, and the rock formations are called Hoodoos. These are unique to Bryce due to the high elevation (7,000+ feet), which leads to 200+ days of freezing & thawing temps, which leads to water getting down within the rock crevices, which leads to...well, you get the picture. (If you're interested in how they form, you can read about them on the National Park website HERE.)

As it was nearing mid-day, we decided to get our hike on, and we did the Navajo Loop Trail, which led us down "Wall Street" and into the hoodoos.

Magical.

Thor's Hammer

Me back on the rim looking down on the "amphitheater"

As is one of our favorite NP pastimes, we headed to the park's Lodge, where we found air conditioning, outlets, and a gift shop. (Could you ask for anything more when it's hot enough to make you melt outside?) There was a ranger talk at 2pm on the rim about the geology of rocks, which we ended up going to - that's where we learned about the hoodoo formations. Sweaty and somewhat tired, our next move was a strategic one - off to the 22 minute video in the visitor center. (I told you they had those at every park...)

By this time, it was getting on to 4pm. Time for our "senior citizen dinner." (Quite frankly, we were starving, as we had only had snacks since breakfast.) We asked for some recs at the visitor center, and one woman pointed us to Bryce Canyon Pines, where we had both a good meal and an incredibly delicious brambleberry pie a la mode. (I am baffled that they lack pictures of their pies on their website...but don't worry, I took one - see below.)

Confession: We ended up going back the next night for dinner, but we skipped the pie.


Rain was imminent by the time we finished dinner and headed back into the park, so we waited it out in our car by our campsite. There was a ranger talk at the lodge at 8pm, so when the time came we headed there. This one was about the life, death, and rebirth of stars...so, yes, a lot went over my head, but I still found it fascinating. The ranger did bring it down to a more basic level, and the pictures were incredibly stunning. Plus, to think about the galaxies beyond us made me realize what a small place we occupy in this universe. It really puts things in perspective.

As the ranger was wrapping up his presentation, I noticed the sky turning a beautiful pink hue, so we headed outside to catch sunset. There was even a rainbow! (You have to look really closely at the picture.) Does it get any better than that?

The next day we were up before the sun, and we were rewarded with some additional spectacular views:

It was just about 7am, so we headed out at that point for the Fairyland Loop Trail. Looking back, it probably wasn't the smartest decision (as with the rim part of the trail added in it made for an 8 mile trek), but I thoroughly enjoyed it, as we hiked down into the hoodoos once again. Most of the people we came across were coming the other way, so we thought we maybe did it backwards...but I still don't know...

At one point I had to rush ahead from my friend because (surprise, surprise) I had to find a bathroom, so by the time we finished she wasn't the happiest with me, but luckily she is a readily forgiving person, so the rest of our trip was still pleasant...

First stop after the hike, though, was lunch at the lodge. And we followed that up with the Rainbow Point bus tour (another recommendation by a friend) - good old George was informative and corny, the perfect combination for a hot summer day. Plus, the bus had air conditioning. Winning!

George and fellow bus tour goers

at one of our bus stops

Through the tour we got to see and hear about some of the park we hadn't yet traveled to...and it was over the course of 3.5 hours! I'll admit, I wasn't expecting it to be that long, but it was fun nonetheless. When we were done, we drove over to the General Store, where they sold showers ($3.50 for 8 minutes - what a deal!). Clean again! (Heads up: Bryce leaves you covered in red rock soil.)

As I mentioned above, we ate dinner at Bryce Canyon Pines, and then instead of the pie we got ice cream - huckleberry! For a kiddie size, it was almost more than I could handle...but don't worry; I finished it.

never come between this girl and her ice cream ;)

And that was that - we were off the next morning for the Grand Canyon. (I'm sure our RV friends were glad to see us go - we're pretty sure we got some glares. Good times.) We did stop in Kanab (at least, I think that was the name of the town) for coffee and breakfast, and that turned out to be a solid decision because we had a 5 hour drive ahead of us...

Time to turn up that road trip playlist!



Missed Stop 1: Zion? Check out my post HERE.

A Saint Like Me?

During the summer, life tends to slow down a little bit. (Though, admittedly, the to-do list for preparing for next school year keeps growing at the admin level.) Still, without the hustle and bustle of the students, parents, and teachers throughout our building, the pace is slower, the mornings are less rushed, and the work hours are, for the most part, shorter.

At least for me, with slowing down comes more time for quiet and reflection. Quiet time is usually a welcome thing, but sometimes it can bring a lot of thoughts, emotions, etc. to the surface, causing normal thoughts for the tasks at hand to be interrupted. In the words of a friend I recently spoke to about having silent time in the car, he said, "Ain't nobody wanna be in there. There's too much going on!" Um...same.

My thoughts have recently been vocational in nature - as in, I have no clue what I'm supposed to do with my life. (Well, that's a little dramatic - I guess I have some clue, as I definitely feel called to this whole Catholic education thing.) But even within Catholic education, what mark am I supposed to make? Am I doing everything I can with what I have to advance the Kingdom of God in the here and now? Am I meant for the single life, or is the good Catholic man I've been praying for going to enter my life at some point in the near future? (I could keep on listing the questions swirling around in my head, but I think this glimpse gives you the idea.)

In life, God tells us to be patient. And that's hard to do, as it's more about trust than patience, IMHO. What's also difficult (yet, I guess you could say freeing at the same time) is there are so many examples and models of how to live the faith. And, as any teacher can tell you, choice is good...until you are overwhelmed by too many of them. Such is how I feel with the Saints. But I was reading an article in the Salesian magazine a few days ago, and one of the things the sister writing the article said stuck out to me: "God knows the world needs a Saint like you, too."

And it's true. God doesn't need another Mother Teresa or Thomas Aquinas, a Therese of Lisieux or an Ignatius of Loyola. He needs us - in all of our brokenness, with all of our gifts. And that is a beautiful thought! So as the pace stays slower (at least for the immediate future), I'm going to take comfort in that. I may not know the road ahead, but I need to trust that God will guide my footsteps.

I hope you take some time to relax and reflect this summer too. And keep fighting the good fight because the world needs a Saint like you, too.

Go Forth! It's all about the exit...

Last night I witnessed the graduation of my students from my previous school whom I taught in 6th and 7th grade for religion and advisory. They are a great group of young people, and at Mass last night, I was so proud of them...and I also realized how much I had missed them and their families (and my coworkers).

Last night was made even more special, as I was invited to be the class's commencement speaker - the students vote to bring back a teacher (who no longer works at the school) each year, and I apparently made the top of their list. I was honored and humbled, and, while I taught in front of them every day for two years, I struggled at first with what to say to them (and their parents) for their graduation.

Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit and for a good friend at Clement who originally shared with me the homily of the exit sign just over a year ago in a small group for Lent. That story impacted me very much, and the idea of taking our faith out into the world has truly resonated with me, and it seemed like the perfect fit for a graduation.

As I gave the speech, I tried to look out into the eyes of my students as well as to the parents. Afterwards one student even asked if I memorized my speech (as apparently it didn't even look like I was using notes - I guess I surprised even myself!). Many parents and students came up to hug me and affirm both the speech and my time with their children - their kind words meant a lot. A grandparent of a student told me, "You have a rich life." Indeed I do.

I have included the text of my speech below (though, I did add a few impromptu things in last night that aren't reflected here) - I believe everyone would benefit from reflecting on the importance of the exit sign for our faith and for our lives -->


When Mrs. Hill called to invite me to be your commencement speaker, one of the first things I did was text my family. They know how much you all and ICSJ have meant and still mean to me, so I knew they would want to know I would be celebrating this special evening with you. Now, I’m sure I have shared stories about my dad before, but what I might not have told you is that my dad is quite the public speaker himself, so I told him I might be coming to him for some good ideas to share with you tonight, to which he replied, “Kel (because he doesn't call me Miss Foyle), I’ll give you as much perspiration as possible. LOL.” It should be noted that my dad has yet to use an emoji in a text message; otherwise, I imagine it would have been the winky face one. Or the crying laughing one. Perspiration...thanks for your help, Dad. I guess that was a gentle hint from him that he had faith I could handle this one on my own.

In all seriousness, in the past few weeks I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about all of you, of your teachers, and of all of the wonderful things that make ICSJ such a special place...the things that made our classroom a special place… And the truth is, I’ve missed you. I’ve missed your smiles and hugs every day, how you used to tackle each other to be altar servers. I’ve missed the crumpled up balls of aluminum with notes that say “Miss Foil...get it?” (In my next life, I’m changing my name.) I’ve missed the creative projects you made, my favorite one of all-time probably being Michael’s infomercial, where he gave one of the best similes about Lent I had ever heard - “Lent cleans up your life like Oxiclean cleans up your clothes.” Your questions in religion class were deep, and your enthusiasm and energy never wavered. I will never forget the Christmas carol where you set my name to the tune of Jingle Bells nor how several of you remembered my birthday this year and emailed me. You are an incredible group of young men and women, and, more importantly, you are incredibly kind. All of us gathered here tonight love you very much.

Now, by inviting back your previous religion teacher, you knew you wouldn’t get away without us spending at least a little time talking about our faith, right? I mean, as much as I love college basketball, I’m not going to go with the sports-life metaphors tonight, sorry. I actually want to share a piece of wisdom with you that I first heard in a homily at a school Mass one time. The priest had finished reading the Gospel, and he came down in front of the students, and he asked them this question: “What is the most important thing in this church?” The students thought about it for a little bit, and then slowly but surely they started to raise their hands. He called on one girl. “The Eucharist,” she said. (That would have been a Miss Foyle-approved answer.) The priest nodded but kept asking. Another student said “the people.” He continued to ask a few more students whose answers varied, but he didn’t get the answer he thought was the correct one. So, finally, when they had pretty much exhausted every possible answer, he looked at them, and he pointed...to the exit sign.

You might be sitting there thinking, “Miss Foyle, you’re crazy! You told us the Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith.” Why yes, I did teach you that...I’m so glad you remembered. But let’s think about it - the exit sign. We come to Mass to be nourished in mind by the Word of God, in spirit by community with others, and in body by the bread that we receive. We come to Mass to worship God and to grow in holiness. But it’s not enough that we do these things within the church walls. At the end of Mass, the priest literally sends us forth from the church to take what we’ve learned and celebrated in this building and be that for others in the world. Our faith is meant to be a lived one...once we have exited the building.

The exit sign, therefore, reminds us that our lives are not about us. WE are the Body of Christ; we are bread for the world. Everything we learned together in religion class and at Mass means nothing unless that’s how you choose to live your daily life - unless you act with kindness and compassion toward others, you serve those in need, you respect your parents, you continue to inform your conscience, you spend time in prayer, you see Jesus in others, and you are Jesus for others.

And tonight, on your graduation, the exit sign holds true for your education as well, as you have now walked through the doors of ICSJ for the last time as students. In your caps and gowns, with your diplomas in hand, we will be sending you forth from ICSJ on to Loyola, Ignatius, DePaul College Prep, Whitney Young, Walter Payton, and other great schools all around our city with confidence that you will excel. As graduates of ICSJ, don’t forget the lessons you learned here - how to think critically, how to thoughtfully and thoroughly support your argument in an essay or debate, how to build the Colosseum out of popsicle sticks (who knows, you might have to help your own kids one day with that one), how to listen, how to be a good friend, how to stay organized… The challenge will be to use these skills and lessons to help you continue to be your best self as lifelong learners and to help your peers along the way too. As your teachers, as your parents, this is one of the most important things we can wish for you - that when you exit ICSJ as graduates you remember who you are, and who you will one day be, as scholars, as leaders, and as children of God. So, as you go through high school, college, and beyond, stop and ask yourself from time to time if you’re using what you’ve learned and the gifts God has given you for others and in order to make this world a better place.

You see, that exit sign is important. It is important tonight, and it is important as you continue your journey into new communities in a broader world. I believe that the priest was right. I challenge you to let that exit sign be a reminder of who you are in here (point to heart) and as motivation for who God is calling you to be out there. Congratulations Class of 2019. I love you. And in the words of St. Ignatius of Loyola, “Go forth and set the world on fire.”

Sacrifices Are Worth It

"I don't mind it because I get to come to work here."

While these were words uttered by a fellow faculty member about his commute from the north side of the city to our school on a daily basis, those words could have just as easily have been mine. It's usually frustrating at least a few (or most) times a week, and it can be rather taxing/stressful when you have to be somewhere else in a relatively quick fashion, but the bottom line is it's worth it because I love where I live and I love where I work.

Life is full of sacrifices - they come with the territory. A these sacrifices are usually for a greater good, for something we (or a loved one) need(s)/want(s) more, to do something for someone else...

I think about one of our teachers who, with less than one month of school left, had to move across the country to take care of her mom who has Alzheimer's and who was also recently diagnosed with cancer. She didn't want to leave her students or colleagues at that point in the year, but her mom and family needed her. And she realized the sacrifice she felt called to make.

I think about my mom (and any working parent) who gave up practicing law (though she still keeps up her credits) to stay at home and take care of me and my sister when we were born. Now she spends her time as a classroom teaching assistant and volunteer at the school from which we graduated. When I look at her, she seems fulfilled, but it still was a huge sacrifice.

I think about a lot of other people too... 

• of our military men & women who put themselves on the line daily to protect our country and our freedom;
• of friends who have spent countless hours (and $$) on flights and car trips across the country (or even just a few states) to try to make the whole long-distance dating thing work out;
• of parents who have taken on a second job to pay for day care or (Catholic) school;
• of those who volunteer their time with their church, as a tutor, or with any other organization;
• of teachers who spend their own money (as well as time) to get their students the books and resources they deserve.

The list goes on because, again, sacrifice (big and small) is part of life, a part of (almost) every decision. Sacrifices make us a part of something bigger than ourselves - they connect us to our families, friends, coworkers, and even sometimes complete strangers. And sacrifices have the potential to remind us of Jesus' ultimate sacrifice - His own life on the cross. And it doesn't get any better than that.

Have a beautiful Memorial Day weekend!

(So...I'll admit that sometimes when I write, my posts take a turn I don't expect or plan from the outset. Today was one such occasion. I opened a blank page with the intention of writing about what I love about my job and how that outweighs the commute, but my mind and fingers took me elsewhere. Funny how that works sometimes... Thanks for bearing with me!)

And It Knocks You Down

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

When life isn't going right, go left.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.


You know the saying - no matter how you say it, the sentiment is the same, as demonstrated above - and we've all been there. Life gets tough. And sometimes it seems that life keeps knocking you down when you've already been knocked down in the first place.

For me, this week was one of those "knock you down" weeks. On Monday, things were going fine minus a few sneezes and a bit of a sore throat. Didn't think much of it, but I ate some chicken noodle soup, bought some orange juice and strawberries, took some meds, and went to bed early just to be on the safe side.

Tuesday morning rolled around, and it was hard to even think about lifting my head. I knew I was not able to be a functioning human being, so I texted my principal and took a sick day (when I proceeded to spend all of it on the couch in a combo of napping, reading, trying to get as much Vitamin C as possible, and listening to podcasts...and then more napping).

On Wednesday, things were looking (and feeling) better. The weather was beautiful, we had girls running club, and we celebrated our 8th grade athletes at the sports banquet. On my way home, though, my tire pressure light came on about 2 miles from home. When I pulled into my garage and got out of the car to check, I saw it - a very flat rear passenger tire. I texted my principal right away - I couldn't believe it! I never miss work, and here I was missing at least 1.5 days in the same week.

Luckily I have AAA, so I called them first thing on Thursday morning, and they came within an hour and a half. While I was waiting, I ended up talking to my dad on the phone. (He was on his way to the dentist, so I don't know which of us was having the worse morning...) He said I sounded surprisingly calm about the tires. I wondered in a situation like this, when there's nothing I could do about it, how I could not be calm or where, exactly, worrying/freaking out would get me? Apparently, I used to be more of a freaker-outer. I guess times have changed...

Once they put on the spare, I headed to a local tire place recommended by a friend. It would be about 2 hours for them to take care of my car, as they had a long line of customers who had previously made appointments. So, I left my car there, headed back home, went for a quick run, got cleaned up and ready for work, and then went back to the car place. By then, my car was ready to go (the tire was patchable...but the front tire was in need of replacing, so they took care of that while they were at it), and I was finally on my way to school...got there right in time for lunch duty.

At the end of the day, which was actually the end of the 1:30-4pm teacher PD session, my principal and I found out that one of our teachers will not be returning next year. It was somewhat of a shock...and we already have quite a few leaving (most of whom are retiring)...so that added a bit more stress...sent some texts to friends before heading out to send quality candidates my way, so praying and crossing fingers on this one.

My purpose in writing this post is not to complain. The truth is, it's kind of comical how everything hits you at once...that when it rains it pours...or, well, you know... It reminds me a bit of that quote that goes along the lines of this: "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." And it also made me realize that my troubles pale in comparison to those that others deal with (some on a regular basis), so who am I to get worked up over these more trivial things that happen to anyone on any given day.

Bottom line - it's not worth the stress or the fretting. Take another look and it suddenly ain't so bad.

Turning Back to Mary

May Crowning - incredibly beautiful...100% Catholic. I loved our simple May Crowning at my previous school, as it was weaved seamlessly into the Mass itself, but the May Crowning at my new school was wonderful in different ways...

Carrying white carnations, the second graders donned their First Communion dresses and suits, while the 8th graders wore their red (boys) and white (girls) graduation gowns (minus the caps), joining the other students and teachers in procession from the school building to the church on a sunny afternoon. Upon entering the church, we joined together in singing "Immaculate Mary," which was followed by the reading of a Gospel passage from Luke and a short homily from our pastor.

We were in the middle of the consecration prayer to Mary, when I suddenly found myself choking up and holding back tears. I realized in that moment that within the past 6 months to 1 year I have not turned to Mary for intercession or help. What once was such a special devotion for me, having grown up with the Salesian charism and devotion to Mary, Help of Christians, was no longer a part of my life. And this saddened me a great deal. I am sure there are many versions of the prayer of consecration to Mary, but I would wager that the gist of the prayer, no matter what words you say, is the same - to give of oneself completely to Mary so that we may grow in holiness to be closer to her Son, Jesus. And I knew in that moment, Mary was touching my heart and whispering an invitation to return to her.

May Crowning continued in lovely and touching fashion with intercessions, followed by the song "Bring Flowers of the Rarest" during the crowning itself. When the song "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" started, I found myself once again on the verge of waterworks, only this time I couldn't hold back the tears. Every time I hear that song I think of my students throughout the years to whom I have taught the signs to that song, and my heart is filled with both utmost happiness and a deep longing at the same time. For some reason, that song makes me think I have made a difference in some students' lives, not through the song, but through my ministry in Catholic education. And it is a reminder of why I stay in Catholic education. I know it probably doesn't make sense, all of that being stirred up by one song, but for some reason it's true.

So now, on the eve of Mother's Day, I find myself with the deep desire to recommit myself in devotion to Mary. I am on the lookout for prayers/novenas of consecration, books, apps, or anything else that will help me stay on track, so if you know of any please let me know. (Obviously the Rosary is likely a good place to start.)

Mary, our mother, pray for us!

Be still

I honestly think I might have missed a calling to the contemplative life.

I relish the silence - those times when the grocery store is empty, when the Lakefront path only has a handful of runners or bikers, when my roommates have gone on vacation for the weekend or are out for the evening, when the church isn't quite full before Mass, when I'm bagging produce at Mission OLA when no one else is around, when you get to watch the sunrise over the mountains or lake at a National Park...

Don't get me wrong - I love people and excitement too: Notre Dame football weekends, theaters abuzz waiting for a performance to start, summer festivals and concerts, school playgrounds...these things are all absolutely wonderful.

But there's something so incredibly beautiful and renewing about the silence and stillness. And I find that it's harder and harder to find that in today's society. But that doesn't mean we should stop looking; instead, I think it's a challenge to try harder. For without the silence, how can we hear God? Without being still, how can we possibly settle our mind to be grateful for all God has given to us?

Maybe it's time I actually go on one of those silent retreats my friends keep telling me about...

4 Months Down of No New Clothes

As the calendar changed over from 2018 to 2019, I resolved to buy no new clothes in the new year. One of my previous co-workers had done just that a few years ago, and I thought, why not give it a try? A couple of friends thought I was crazy and that I probably would have a hard time with it. One friend thought I would just buy other things instead. Another friend thought about trying the challenge too.

While only 4 months in, here are a few things I have learned:

1. I have way too many clothes -->
While I have not added new clothes to my closet, I have put clothes in bags to be donated...and I still have way too much. I don't know how the clothes accumulate so much over time (aside from all of the race shirts)! In all honesty, I could probably try this no new clothes thing for two years and be okay.

2. It's easier to say no when you have a clear "rule" -->
Because I have set the hard line of absolutely no clothes buying, I'm tempted a lot less to even look in shop windows or at ads. I have unsubscribed from as many clothing store emails (e.g. Old Navy, Eddie Bauer, etc.) as I could. (I'm pretty sure the ads were tricking me into thinking I would save money if I bought more, while the truth really is you save money when you don't buy anything!) When I am waiting in line for the elevator at Trader Joe's and see the cute items in Loft, I can just turn away.
I found this to be true during Lent as well. Just for Holy Week (Palm Sunday through Saturday at sundown) I gave up all sweets. And while it was hard, I found it easier to forgo the treats than when I try to limit myself or reduce my intake at any other time. And it was so freeing! I knew I couldn't, so I didn't.

3. Changing up the routine can be good for the soul -->
It's definitely been eye-opening to live by this promise to myself. I have been dependent on material things without even realizing it. Yikes! But by making this resolution for 2019, I, in essence, hit the pause button and was able to start making small tweaks to live, in my humble opinion, a better life. I know that moving forward once 2019 comes to a close I will be more conscious of the clothing I buy and less impulsive of buying clothing even when it's on sale.


All in all, I am grateful for the graces I have already received through this resolution as well as the support of friends who keep checking in on me about it to see how it's going. Only 8 months to go - I totally got this!

Hearts, Hope, and Questions Burning

When I mention the Lenten song "Jerusalem, My Destiny," many people nod and say something along the lines of, "Yeah, we sang that all the time in my parish growing up." Interesting...we never did. Maybe it's a midwest thing?

Here's how it goes:

Refrain:

I have fixed my eyes on your hills,

Jerusalem, my Destiny!

Though I cannot see the end for me,

I cannot turn away.

We have set our hearts for the way;

this journey is our destiny.

Let no one walk alone.

The journey makes us one.

Other spirits, lesser gods,

have courted me with lies.

Here among you I have found

a truth that bids me rise. (Refrain)

See, I leave the past behind;

a new land calls to me.

Here among you now I find

a glimpse of what might be. (Refrain)

In my thirst, you let me drink

the waters of your life,

Here among you I have met,

the Savior, Jesus Christ. (Refrain)

All the worlds I have not seen

you open to my view.

Here among you I have found

a vision bright and new. (Refrain)

To the tombs I went to mourn

the hope I thought was gone,

Here among you I awoke

to unexpected dawn. (Refrain)

I honestly heard it for the first time this year, and for some reason it struck a chord with me. I haven't been able to shake it since. I've been to Jerusalem, yes, but I don't think that's it, or at least it's not the only reason. I think, instead, that it's the idea of being fixed on our destiny, which is heaven, the "new Jerusalem." And if you really dive into the lyrics, the references to scripture are simply beautiful. But even more than these individual parts is the overarching theme of hope - a hope that is shown to us in a "bright and new" way, something that is "unexpected."

So as this Lent draws to a close and we enter into the Triduum tomorrow, I can't help but meditate on what it means for me to "set my heart for the way." What am I doing that allows me to live with a singular focus on Jesus Christ? What's is distracting me from the ultimate end goal of heaven? Who has walked with me and with whom have/am I walked/walking?

My dad always quotes a recording of a preacher talking about Good Friday in light of the hope of the Resurrection - the man says, "That's because it's Friday...Sunday's a-comin'!" Sunday is "a-comin'," and we, as Christians/Catholics, can find so much hope in that. God fixed His eyes on His people, and He sacrificed His only son so that we might have eternal life. This Easter season, let us, in turn, fix our eyes on Him and work to right our steps for our journey home.

Staying humble and striving to be better...with some help from my friends

You ever have that feeling that you are friends (or walking around) with saints?

In Chicago I have been blessed to get to know many wonderful individuals through my church, and I am so grateful for their friendship because they encourage and challenge me to be a better person and follower of Christ through their daily actions.

One such friend got me involved in Bible study, led me to Mission OLA (where I now volunteer regularly), and has invited me to various Masses and faith-based events over the years. He is a daily Mass goer, and his wife brings their 2 year old daughter to daily Mass too, just a little later in the day. I knew they would be the perfect ones to verify what time daily morning Mass would be today at the church right around the corner, so last night after Mass I inquired.

To my dismay, daily Mass around the corner was canceled since one of the priests had been removed. However, my friend immediately said, "Come to Cantius. Morning prayer starts at 6:30 and then Mass is at 7am." Interesting...and requiring a bit more effort...hmm... I figured I could do it one day, so I told him I would see him there.

I am so grateful for the invitation, as Mass was absolutely beautiful. It was in English, and there was chanting, some use of Latin, some pre-Vatican II practices (e.g. priest facing East, use of the communion rail, etc.), and other things. The church itself is beautiful and very ornate. Overall, it was a peaceful and beautiful experience, especially since the sun was just coming up on my way there and then was melting the snow on my way home. My friend apologized that he was not able to say hello, as he had to rush after communion to catch the train...to catch the bus...to get to work. (Holy cow; if I ever complain about my commute, slap me!) But it honestly didn't matter - it was good just to be there to pray together and to have the opportunity to receive communion. (Plus, I'm sure I'll see him at church this week for Tenebrae.)

I don't know how I am so lucky to have such amazing friends. They help me realize how far from grace and how flawed I am (and I don't mean that in any kind of demeaning or morbid way) while, at the same time, help me strive to draw closer to God every day.

Thanks for looking out for me, God. :)

Taking Ourselves Out of the Picture

Sometimes I can be pretty impulsive, I'll admit it. Most recently, it seemed like a good idea one day to join the Art Institute...so I did.

(It's this impulsivity that makes me realize the whole no buying new clothes in 2019 thing may help me with this in the long run...but that's another story.)

Back to the Art Institute...

As a member, I am able to always bring one friend or family member for free. (If you ever want to go, let me know - the offer's out there.) So, one of my friends joined me for this adventure (after getting ice cream, of course) on Saturday, which, by the way was absolutely beautiful and sunny; the perfect walking about downtown kind of day. Through the members entrance (oooooh) we went, and one of the volunteers helped orient us to the members lounge (again, ooooh), and there we made our game plan of what to see. I must say, it is very easy to get lost in that place - the rooms go on and on, and it's hard to tell at times if you've already seen one room or if it is just in the similar art style as the last one. So, while we had our game plan, we mostly just wandered.

What struck me most was the amount of people who were taking photographs of the artwork instead of spending time looking at it or reading about the history of it. As my friend pointed out, can't they just Google it and get a better image of it? Probably. Can't they just enjoy the artwork and not be worried about who they would show it to later? I don't know...it seems like we, as a society, have lost some of our ability to sit in contemplation and wonder of beauty that surrounds us.

Now, I'll admit I've gotten caught in this trap of photographing when I should just be enjoying various things a lot, especially on my trips to the National Parks. (Google's collection of pictures of those are surely better than the ones my own camera takes.) I'd like to argue that it's different in nature than in a museum...but is it? Truly?

In getting behind the lens, we (literally) take ourselves out of the picture. (No pun intended.)

I'm not advocating that photos are bad or that we should stop taking them altogether, for photos are such a beautiful way to keep memories alive. Instead, I'm arguing that there's a fine line, a balance to be met, especially since nowadays there's an unspoken pressure to make everything worthy of Instagram, Pinterest, or Facebook. But life happens...and it doesn't look like that...nor should it have to. Some of my favorite things I've done of late don't have any photo evidence at all - time with my family, having good conversations over dinner with friends, getting caught up in a good book, taking a morning walk for fresh air before racing off to school... You get the picture. (Ok, pun somewhat intended on that one.)

I think it's important to ask ourselves, Did I take that photo to prove something or did I take that photo to make me happy (and remember something special) when I look back on it in the future? It's subtle, but there is a difference.

It's something I want to commit to working on myself - less photos, more be-in-the-moments; less proving something, more remembering with fondness and love. 

And I think this something that's on my heart today because I believe that engaging more mindfully with when I take pictures will help me on a spiritual level (and likely in other areas too). I have found myself of late often wondering if I have chosen to do things for myself, for someone else, or for God. While I know my answer should be the latter of all three, it's sadly not always (or maybe not even often) the case. I find myself thinking What would X say/think about this? or I need to make this decision for the school/student because X will be more satisfied with this way. But that's the wrong way of thinking. We're not on this earth to make other people happy. If we can lighten their loads, bring joy, and be true friends, that should be the beautiful effect of being on this earth for God and His purpose.

As we enter into this most holy week of our (Christian/Catholic) Church year, let us take time to contemplate God's love and ultimate sacrifice for us; let us be present to His Word and present to the presence of others who are walking and living this journey of faith with us. Have a blessed and beautiful Easter season, everyone!

And here we have it, where I can't even follow my own advice - As per usual, here are some (unrelated-to-the-blog) photos of things keeping me busy lately:

recent sketch of the Golden Gate Bridge

Teachers participated in a display where students had to guess whose baby picture was who, so with the help of my mom (who scanned and sent the picture) I joined in the fun. I'm not sure if any students guessed me correctly...

Went to support and celebrate my friend from church who directs the plays at her Catholic school - they did "Mary Poppins Jr" just like my school this year. What fun!

Fancy drinks before Paula Poundstone

Teacher observations are the best part of my job.

Just gonna leave that here.

Spring is putting up a fight against winter in Chicago...even though winter is winning with its snow and cold temperatures today...

When friends show up unexpectedly to work :D

a lovely thank you gift for helping with the school art fair

Fr. Greg Boyle came to speak at our church - what a gift to hear him again!

Nothing beats Saturday morning runs on the Lakefront, especially in beautiful weather

I miss Bobtail...but Johnson's will do! I can get used to this...

Triple Vanilla Bean - yum!

March Madness...and why I'm mad for MSU basketball

March Madness. They call it that for a reason.

There's nothing quite like it. (And the games this year in particular have been nothing short of spectacular. My hands were shaking for minutes after MSU's win over Duke on Sunday night.)

I love watching it, no matter who is playing, as long as it's a good game. Auburn and UK on Sunday? Holy cow! And Purdue vs Virginia - even via FaceTime with my dad (since I don't have cable), it caused my heart to pound. But when Michigan State's in it? That's a whole different ball game.

I originally reflected on my love of Spartan basketball via this post in 2011 (2 days after my grandpa passed away). And for me, this truth never gets old, and I probably can't put it in any better words. I still love sharing it, especially as year after year my students ask, "Why MSU? Did you go there?" (I like to think I did...in fact, for awhile I tried to think up what degree or certification I could get from there.) I think it's important for the students to recognize the importance of connecting with their grandparents, no matter by what means that connection happens.

And nowadays, MSU basketball is a connection with my parents too. We get on a group text, commenting on the games, how grandpa would have hated any missed free throws, and wondering if they'd pull through. At 3:21 left in any given game, if MSU's ahead (which they were on Sunday at that point), my dad still says, "321 call Chuck" (our street address in Michigan and my grandpa's name) - more often than not, if the Spartans were ahead at that point in the game they would win. (I guess you could call it a superstition.) "Do it for Grandpa" is still our rallying cry.

As I sit here typing this post, I am staring at a small poster announcing MSU as the 2000 NCAA Division I Basketball Champs - a stunning win over the University of Florida, 89-76. It's one of the only things I ended up asking for when my grandpa died. (I also took a Spartan sweatshirt that belonged to my grandma.) I am hoping that this season - 19 years later - I can add another poster of my own for 2019. I hope these boys have it in them - I personally have faith they can go all the way.

College basketball? It's madness, yes. But for me, it's memories and keeping those memories alive in a special way. I'm not sure I would have wanted to be in the same room as my grandpa if he were alive to watch Sunday night's game against Duke - the stress would have been too much. (I'm sure my roommates were about to throw things at me for the screaming and jumping up and down I did that day as it was.) I will be a Spartan basketball fan for life, even over the schools I actually graduated from. (Call me crazy - that's fine by me.) There's something about the way that team always plays, how Izzo coaches them, and how I know my grandpa is still watching with me.

Go Green! Go White! Do it for Grandpa!!


P.S. - If you're feeling sentimental (or want a good laugh), check out these two posts from the archives: "Words, Don't Fail Me Now" and "Grandpa-isms: Sayings, Songs, Jokes, and More..."