Opportunity and Reason for Hope

When I heard the news on March 13th that Catholic churches around Chicago would not be holding Mass for the masses for the foreseeable future, I'm sure I was one of many who thought that we'd be back in the pews by Easter. Online Mass didn't seem like such a bad idea, and it certainly was more convenient (and less of a time commitment on Sundays). On the flip side, it turned out to have a lot more opportunities for distraction, as I could gaze around my apartment or out the window or even switch tabs on my computer. And the whole not receiving Jesus thing... I found myself asking, was this even attending Mass?

Don't get me wrong - we are blessed to be living at a time when technology allows for recording/broadcasting and live-streaming services. Can you imagine what we would have done 30 years ago? Sure, EWTN has been showing Sunday Masses on TV for many years, but it certainly feels more intimate and meaningful when you still have a sense of your own parish or priest celebrating on the screen. So, yes, in a sense I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to log into Facebook each Sunday and watch Faith Hub, or the ACE Mass, or my own parish Mass.

But still...

Lost.
Scared. Terrified.
Confused.

These feelings have definitely been present in both my own spiritual life as well as my role as a Catholic school leader. Without the true ritual of the Mass, I found myself making excuses for spending less time with God in prayer and centering my work less on God and more on what our human efforts could produce. And I know our human efforts are worth something, but they're not everything and we certainly can't do anything without God's help and presence.

Our world is a scary place with COVID, racism, and the upcoming election, to name a few. Thinking about going back to school in August and everything that has to be in place before then is scary too.

But now there's increasing opportunity to go to Mass again. And that honestly gives me so much hope. It's not to say that automatically this washes away all fears and worries - that would be impossible - but it makes me remember that we are a community of faith that is gathered together, physically when able but also in spirit.

Yet, there is realization that a lot of parishes lack the volunteers they need to reopen their doors, maybe because their population is mostly elderly or they are small in number. So, if you're reading this and you are able/willing (within your comfort zone), I encourage you to reach out to your parish staff or pastor and see where the greatest need is so that people can start coming back together to worship, whether that be greeters, Eucharistic ministers, lectors, sanitizers, sacristans, or other positions.

Let us work together so that our worldwide Church comes back strong and is a beacon of hope for all who are struggling in our present moment and world.

Wrapping up the Poem A Day Challenge with #30

It's hard to see progress with such baby steps, but when you stop and look back over the period of time you worked on XYZ, it becomes much clearer.

Today, April 30, marks the final day of my "Poem A Day" Challenge, which I started on April 1. I have compiled all of the poems and their respective audio recordings HERE. While I will be glad to take a break from poetry, it's been an interesting exercise in just letting thoughts spill out onto the paper however the Spirit moved me on a given day. I guess I'll give myself a bit of a break and then find a new creative challenge... Hmmm...

I feel like there's a bit more pressure to end on a strong poem, but the funny thing about poetry is that it speaks so differently to each individual reader; what one loves deeply may not touch another person's heart in nearly the same way or at all. Well, anyways, here is today's poem (even though it reads more like a prayer or litany); it's the final one of this collection/challenge.


"We Pray to the Lord"
Poem of the Day - 4/30/20
Audio Available HERE

For the sick and the dying...
For those struggling to make ends meet...
For postal carriers and grocery clerks...
For teachers doing what they can to help their students adjust and learn...
For all healthcare workers on the front lines...
For those without visitors, family, or someone to check in...
For priests and religious leaders who continue to minister and guide their flocks...
For those who have been laid off from their jobs...
For hope in our world in this time of darkness...

Hear our prayers, O Lord
Lift our hearts, O Lord
Give us strength, O Lord
For it is you we trust

"Nothing for Granted" - April 3, 2020

"Nothing for Granted"
Poem of the Day - 4/3/20
Audio Version of Today's Poem

Take nothing for granted -
It seemed so cliche
Yet today in our world
This phrase has its own way
Of making us stop
And ponder the gifts
That God's granted each person
Till our spirits it lifts

Holidays spent with family
Long commutes daily to school
Constantly nagging our students
To just follow the rules
Simple interactions and things
Were part of the daily grind
To live in a world without them -
The reality ne'er crossed my mind

So, where does it leave us?
What can possibly be done
To find hope in the present
And have, dare I say, fun?
Gratitude's good for starters
To offer up in prayer
So that our perspectives widen
And of God's love we're aware

Turning Back to Mary

May Crowning - incredibly beautiful...100% Catholic. I loved our simple May Crowning at my previous school, as it was weaved seamlessly into the Mass itself, but the May Crowning at my new school was wonderful in different ways...

Carrying white carnations, the second graders donned their First Communion dresses and suits, while the 8th graders wore their red (boys) and white (girls) graduation gowns (minus the caps), joining the other students and teachers in procession from the school building to the church on a sunny afternoon. Upon entering the church, we joined together in singing "Immaculate Mary," which was followed by the reading of a Gospel passage from Luke and a short homily from our pastor.

We were in the middle of the consecration prayer to Mary, when I suddenly found myself choking up and holding back tears. I realized in that moment that within the past 6 months to 1 year I have not turned to Mary for intercession or help. What once was such a special devotion for me, having grown up with the Salesian charism and devotion to Mary, Help of Christians, was no longer a part of my life. And this saddened me a great deal. I am sure there are many versions of the prayer of consecration to Mary, but I would wager that the gist of the prayer, no matter what words you say, is the same - to give of oneself completely to Mary so that we may grow in holiness to be closer to her Son, Jesus. And I knew in that moment, Mary was touching my heart and whispering an invitation to return to her.

May Crowning continued in lovely and touching fashion with intercessions, followed by the song "Bring Flowers of the Rarest" during the crowning itself. When the song "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" started, I found myself once again on the verge of waterworks, only this time I couldn't hold back the tears. Every time I hear that song I think of my students throughout the years to whom I have taught the signs to that song, and my heart is filled with both utmost happiness and a deep longing at the same time. For some reason, that song makes me think I have made a difference in some students' lives, not through the song, but through my ministry in Catholic education. And it is a reminder of why I stay in Catholic education. I know it probably doesn't make sense, all of that being stirred up by one song, but for some reason it's true.

So now, on the eve of Mother's Day, I find myself with the deep desire to recommit myself in devotion to Mary. I am on the lookout for prayers/novenas of consecration, books, apps, or anything else that will help me stay on track, so if you know of any please let me know. (Obviously the Rosary is likely a good place to start.)

Mary, our mother, pray for us!

Time for a little gut spilling...and life updates

A (FREE!) jazz concert on Friday night - what fun! I was with a few friends, and we had been standing for about an hour in the back, as the venue was packed. I didn't realize how tired my legs were until we were able to sit down (due to the fact that some people decided to leave early).

As it was intermission, the musicians were on a short break, so my friend and I got to talking and catching up. She recently started seeing a guy she had met at church, so we got on the topic of dating. She surprised me (in the most beautiful way) when she said she's always thinking about a guy she could send in my direction. I chuckled a little because over Christmas break a close friend who is getting married this summer was thinking out loud about single guys that would be at his wedding - his comment caught me off guard too: "Nope, not good enough for our Kelly."

I have to wonder if I come across as some kind of "holier than thou" or "in need of a perfect man" person. (I don't think my friends mean it that way; I think it's some form of compliment.) But the truth is, I'm just looking for a guy whose heart's in the right place, someone of faith and with morals. (That's not so unique, is it? Sometimes I feel like I should be wearing a sign.) If this guy likes the outdoors, enjoys ice cream, has a corny sense of humor (or can, at least, put up with my word play and corny jokes), and will listen to endless stories of students without getting bored, that'd sure be a bonus, but those aren't necessarily deal breakers. (Well, if he doesn't like ice cream, that could potentially be a deal breaker...)

I think a large part of the problem is that I have never had much confidence when it comes to the dating scene. In fact, I once told a friend something along the lines of this: There are so many incredible women out there, why should someone pick me? To this, she said she better not hear me ever say that again. (And I'm grateful for that comment.) But, you see what I mean, don't you? Another piece of it, in my humble opinion, is that while I pride myself on being able to read people when it comes to if/how they are attracted to others (I have high rates of getting this right, for the record), I have never been able to do so when it comes to myself. A guy could be sending all the right signals, but I could be completely oblivious. (And I'm not so great at flirting, either.)

What's the answer? Well, I'm definitely grateful for my friends who are trying to look out for me - maybe one day soon they'll send someone along my path. In all seriousness, it's something I offer up to God every night (especially now that my sister has a good husband, which is what I was asking for first) - it seems selfish, especially with all of the hurt, violence, and bigger things going on in this world (though, I pray for these things too), and maybe it's not meant to be in terms of God's plans for me, but I find it helpful to talk to God about it regardless. Sometimes my prayer is along the lines of asking God to hit a guy over the head (and then to hit me over the head too) - whatever works, right? (For the record, I still draw the line at online dating, even though that clearly works for some people.)


Whew. Just kind of spilled my guts there. Admittedly, that was tough to write - enough about that. Let's change the subject and move on to a few other things...


In school-related news, my school just held its annual St. Baldrick's Day event. It's a tradition that started 9 years ago, when a 7th grade student was diagnosed with pediatric brain cancer, and his classmates wanted to do something about it. They started this fundraiser as well as their own nonprofit for him. While he ended up passing away the fall of his 8th grade year, it's safe to say we will never forget this young man, Pat Mac - the energy and support in the gym on Friday was unreal. His parents came, as they do every year, and some of his classmates (who are now graduating college) were there too. The event started with a local police officer playing bagpipes up the aisle and an Irish Dance performance by six of our students. After weeks of fundraising efforts (through which we raised over $50,000!), many students shaved their heads, donated their hair, or got their faces painted. Even our pastor and I took part this year - and they had us on the stage before the classes were dismissed. (Shout out to those who donated to my efforts!) 8 inches of my hair is being shipped off with the rest of the donated hair to Children With Hair Loss - woo hoo! Now I just have to get used to using a heck of a lot less shampoo. (See before & after pictures below.)

On the faith front, as you probably know, Lent started on Wednesday. The kids keep asking me what I'm giving up, but, while I am giving up something, for me it's more about what I'm trying to do for my prayer life. I kept hearing podcasts and reading articles about "Memento Mori" ("Remember your death"), so I invested in the related daily Lenten journal (image below). Additionally, I have started a practice that when my alarm goes off in the morning, I then set it for 10 minutes later...but I don't let myself go back to sleep. Instead, I lie there and use that time to talk to God and offer up my day. At the end of the day, I have started praying the Examen (the young adult version on the "Pray as you go" app, which I highly recommend!) - I used to do this all the time, but the practice had fallen to the wayside for me. I can honestly say that I wake up feeling more rested and at peace, and this particular prayer brings to light so many small moments of grace during the day.

Finally (and unrelated to anything I was just talking about), I just thought this was worth sharing, as it is good for a chuckle - Happy Daylight Savings!

I get by with a little help from my friends...

Back home (in my apartment with no air conditioning), I can finally breathe and let the past 25 months (or 3 years, same difference, right?) sink in. I won't shy away from the fact that it was challenging, but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world.

And, in addition to God, my classmates, professors, and family are the ones to thank for that...


PLC 1: Always remember to PLC like a champion today...and never follow Phil.

We just weren't complete the first week...

My prayer partner:

My roommate (3 summers running...):

My ACE housemate (now in the program one year behind me):

Our amazing Holy Cross priests:

annual t-shirt unveiling

My 29 classmates:

Room 210 for presentation day - love these guys!

ACE 15, now RLP 15 :) :)

all graduated!! :D

My family:

Now it is time to look forward to what the future holds...may God bless all of us as we continue our endeavors as Catholic school educators and leaders!

Time Out! Time to Reset.

I like long walks on the lakefront...
That may sound silly,
like something you'd put on a dating website profile,
but, for me, it's necessary
because it's good for my soul.
A long run, a long bike ride, a long hike -
all of these serve this purpose too.
Just give me time and the great outdoors,
and God will do the rest.

I took myself for a walk today,
as I know the rains and colder temperatures will come tomorrow,
and I will be stuck inside.
I took a break from my school law exam -
my brain just couldn't handle it.
I wanted to clear my mind...

I wanted to breathe in the fresh, beautiful air
and to soak in the sunshine.
I didn't see a cloud in the sky,
but of course I can't show you that,
as I left my phone behind
and had no means by which to capture a photo.
Sometimes I think I spend too much time
trying to get the picture "just right"
instead of being present.
I'm working on this.
I left my watch behind too -
I went at my own pace
with no real destination
except to eventually come back home before the sun set.

I saw so many people out and about.
And dogs. Lots of dogs.
It made me want a dog.
Flowers lined many of the streets,
or, sometimes, there was just a single flower all alone.
I even saw more tulips -
Did you know they close up at night?
Still, they are magnificent.

I talked to God on my walk, too.
I've had a lot on my mind recently
and my list of people to pray for
is growing longer by the day.
God sees everything -
how freeing it is when we lay it all before Him.
He loves us in our brokenness -
and sometimes I feel truly broken -;
He forgives us and heals us.
He strengthens us and loves us.
I was overwhelmed.

As I sit here at my dining room table,
I think about the week ahead,
though I know I still have Sunday to work and relax.
There is much to accomplish before the next weekend comes around.
Because of this
I am truly grateful for my short walk today.
I needed to breathe and relax.
I needed to reset and to remember the bigger picture
instead of getting caught up in my to-dos.

Thank you, God, for this day.
And thank you for the grace to realize Your presence.

Who knew that a simple yes would lead me here...

Five years...
Ten seasons...
Twelve girls (six of them since the beginning)...

How did I get so lucky to coach my volleyball team? The timing of starting to coach at my school truly worked out - I cannot imagine a better bunch of young women with whom to have traveled this road.

Back in fourth grade, it was an amazing game if the girls could get their underhand serves over the net consistently (and more than just a few in a row). Over time, that changed to placing underhand serves and then to serving overhand. Now, some of my kiddos even jump serve (which is something I didn't even do in high school) - but that skill is no thanks to me; it's thanks to their club coaches.

More important than their skills, be they serving or passing or hitting, is their attitude and how they treat one another. These things have been a rollercoaster, especially when the girls hit their teenage years. How many times did I share a hug or lend a listening ear to girls who were upset with one another due to something that happened at school or that was sent via a text? Probably too many to count. But, for the most part, they've outgrown the bickering and grudges; though, as they are still just 13 and 14 years old, these still surface from time to time.

And, most importantly, I hope they will remain young women of prayer. Each game and practice is offered up to Mary, our Mother - the girls start right into the Hail Mary after circling up, for they have been doing that since our very first practice together. I hope they realize just how important and special Mary is for our faith and for their lives. And I personally pray that Mary continues to watch over them as they go on to high school.

When you approach the end of something, it becomes harder and harder to let go. While I don't teach 8th grade this year, I guarantee you that I will be a complete mess at graduation (and our last game in a few weeks). Each of them (and their incredible parents) has such a special place in my heart that will never be replaced. And I give thanks each day for saying yes to coaching 4th grade volleyball way back in 2013...

Finding God

There's something about the crisp air,
the wind dancing across your skin -
making your hair do crazy things...
The way the sun breaks through the clouds,
the shadows cast by the trees,
the sound of the waves,
and the chance to 
just
be 
still.

I've never felt so close to God
as when I am out in nature,
be it on top of an Arizona mountain
or on a beach back home,
whether it is running on the lakefront path
or reading a book on the back porch in the shade...
Or,
one of my personal favorites,
staring up at the countless constellations
after dad has pulled the car off the highway in Michigan
so we can all gaze at the beauty above us,
maybe even catching a glimpse
of a shooting star.

No matter what
it takes your breath away
each time
if you let it.
It's incomparable beauty
given to us
by God.
It's ours to enjoy,
to care for,
to cherish,
and to share.

And so,
we breathe in each new day
with open hearts and hands.
Even if just
for the briefest of moments,
a prayer of gratitude hangs in the air,
as we offer ourselves
up to God
and ask Him
to hear our prayers
and watch over us 
as morning breaks
and we start full speed ahead,
assured that God is always waiting for us
if we know where to look for Him.

On my heart...

As I sat in Mass this morning, I realized that something has been on my heart for awhile, and I am really struggling with it... There is so much our Catholic faith teaches us about love of neighbor and the corporal works of mercy, but I personally fall short of living these out on a regular basis.

It's so easy for me to like or tweet an article/quote about serving others or to pass along different service opportunities (engaging myself in them from time to time, yes), but, when it comes down to it, am I walking the talk? And I don't even necessarily mean doing service projects - how am I helping and interacting with people in my own community, how am I getting my hands dirty in God's work? I've used the excuse of grad school taking up my time for far too long - by no means have those in charge of my leadership program set out to drown us in content so much so that we fail to have time and opportunities to live out what we study, to be Jesus for others.

Why is it so hard to act with consistent efforts? Why has love of neighbor become something we admire others doing or something we reserve for the first Saturday of the month? I, sadly, don't think I'm alone in feeling this. I think it's a reality for others too. We're paralyzed because we don't know what to actually do, we get caught up in the busyness of life so as we pass by on genuine care and need of others, we get caught up in the "drama" of our own lives...

So, what now? What do I (we) need to do so that my (our) actions speak louder than words? I know the first answer should probably be to (continue to) bring this to prayer. But then...? Is it a matter of little actions, making a conscience effort each day to do one more thing than the day before to help me (us) become closer to those around me (us)?

I feel like I am just throwing out ideas, and I apologize if those ideas don't seem to be going anywhere, but I just can't seem to get it off my heart. So, I appreciate you letting me put my thoughts (however jumbled and raw) on paper, and I ask that you pray for me and anyone else who is struggling to understand what it looks like to more authentically live the Gospel in daily life. Thank you.

Seek and you shall...journal?

I bought myself a Christmas gift.

I've been meaning to get back into journaling for awhile now, so I decided to put an end to my excuses. This journal's format provides space to daily record morning and evening entries. The morning entry focuses on gratitude as well as anticipated challenges and grace you need from God. The evening entry focuses on the high and low moments from your day. At the end of each week, there is a weekly reflection as well as ponder questions and space for prayer intentions.

It's incredibly simple and structured...and that makes it all the more likely I will use it (thoughtfully). I think it makes a difference to go into each day naming a challenge you anticipate so that you are aware of it when it comes and how God can help you in that situation or with those feelings.

The back of the book includes a number of Jesuit prayers. I've included a few of my favorites here:

You can read more about the journal at the Ignatian Resources website. If you think journaling may help your relationship with God and others, I recommend you look into getting one (or at least getting a blank notebook).

In other news, I saw a post on someone's Facebook or Instagram about a Saint's name generator - it's a website that randomly gives the user a Saint. The idea is that you learn more about the Saint or you invoke the Saint's help for the year (or for a time period). Lo and behold, I got St. John Bosco! Needless to say, I was pretty excited (even if it is just a random online generator). I love the Salesians - and they keep finding a way to come back into my life...

The Saints are a great way to grow closer to God and to inspire us to live each day striving to be the best versions of ourselves. Inspired by this, one of my New Year's goals is to invoke the intercession of both John Bosco and Mary, Help of Christians, each day during 2018. (I'm also trying to cook more regularly and eat more healthily this year, but that's another story for another time...)

St. John Bosco, pray for us! Mary, Help of Christians, pray for us! I hope 2018 is off to a wonderful start for you and your loved ones.